My inspiration and strength…My Mother

Mother, the most ‘taken for granted’ person in the world. Any time you need anything, you have a problem, she is the ‘go to’ person. Someone who is not at all demanding, it is as if she is invisible, but whenever you need her, she is always there. Until one day, when she is not. It is one year to this date that my mother passed away, hopefully to a better place.

My mother was one of the strongest and most resilient persons that I have ever known, and yet she was also the gentlest and most peace-loving person. A multi-faceted personality, she was extremely talented, intelligent and a problem solver. She was like a chameleon, she would adapt and blend into whatever the surroundings. She was equally happy working shoulder to shoulder with the ladies in her shop as she was working alongside the carpenters in her furniture workshop. She created a beautiful and special world around her, wherever she was, be it Mumbai, Pune, Dubai or Canada. She was always welcome and loved wherever she went.

She was happy to be a homemaker. But when my father’s business ran into trouble, she stepped out of the house to work in a bid to provide additional support to the family. In partnership with our uncle (my father’s friend), she started a shop on one of the busiest streets in Dadar and a furniture workshop. Once things settled down, just when she was thinking of quitting work, in a cruel twist of fate, we lost our Dad in a car accident. My mother was left all alone to raise three school going children. My grandparents who lived in Pune, invited us all to stay with them. My mother was in a dilemma, when her father asked her one question, what example do you want to set in front of your children, that of someone who is dependent on others, one who takes the easy way out or that of a proud, honest hard-working person. She did not take the easy way out. She chose to continue working and raise the three of us single handed.

Whatever she did, she did it whole heartedly. She had no background whatsoever in carpentry. She was an Arts graduate. But when she started the furniture workshop, she learnt carpentry. Not because she had to make the furniture herself, she had carpenters to do that, but to set an example and demand perfection from them. She used to be involved in the designing of the furniture; she came up with ways to improve efficiency and the finish and quality of the products they made. She always told us that you may hire people to do different things, but be sure to know how to do those things yourself. Even things like putting clothes out to dry on an overhead clothesline with the help of a long stick. She believed that ‘Actions speak louder than words’.

She was a very enterprising person. When televisions first came into the market, she designed television cabinets, even one with the shutters that rolled back inside. She made chairs for children where the back could be pulled up to become a table. It was like a workstation, complete with a drawer to keep their books and stationary items. She was far ahead of her times when she started “House Doctor”, a concept wherein any job you needed done around the house, whether it be plumbing, electrical, or any repair work, you just had to call the house doctor and it would get done.

“Customer is King” is something I learned from my mother, way before my MBA course. She always thought from the point of view of the customer. Women were her customers. With hardly any capital, she started the shop by buying cosmetics from other shops in bulk and selling them at a small margin of a few paise. She then added readymade hairstyles to the product line. She would buy switches and make the hairstyles, as per the demand of the customer, very elaborate hairstyles or even simple ones like a French bun. She designed a ready-made saree for small girls, it was called the ‘Kalpana saree’, named after her. Our shop was quite famous for it. She would go to mills, buy cut-pieces or sarees and cut them up and stitch Kalpana sarees out of them. Other than these round the year items, the shop would be flooded with seasonal products. January would be busy because of ‘Sankrant’. She would make beautiful jewellery from the small, white ‘halwa’ to be worn by newly weds and new born babies. Then during the mango season our shop was famous for ‘ambyachi dal’ (a spicy, savoury snack) and ‘panha’ (the cool drink made from raw mangoes), during Diwali it would be full of Diwali sweets and namkeens, and during the wedding seasons, she would take orders for ‘rukhwat’ (items to be displayed during the wedding from the bride’s side). She would make all sorts of art and craft items, fancy candles, pooja items made from sugar, cute stuff made from betel nuts, you name it, and she would do it. Through the shop she provided livelihood to innumerable women who got a platform to exhibit their wares. Our shop was famous as a shop run by ladies for ladies.

My mother spent a major part of her life living alone, but I never saw her low or depressed. Three phrases that saw her through her hardships were Positive Approach, Full Concentration and Maximum Effort. She always told her grandchildren to never forget these, and then she added one more, ‘Time Management’. She kept herself engaged and found hobbies after she retired. She started painting again, she wrote beautiful poetry specific for different occasions. 

She was the first to suggest to me that maybe everything was not right with Tanaya and we should consult a doctor. She helped me make an inclined floor at home so that Tanaya could learn to crawl and creep. She came up with ideas to protect Tanaya’s knees from bruising and helped me make padded knee caps. When we started the school, before we opened it for the children, she came and stayed with us and would come with me to the school everyday and helped me to set it up and train the teachers. She was Ajinkya’s biggest fans. She was always appreciative of all that we did. Her favourite phrases when faced with adversity were, “tari bara” i.e. “Thank God, it could have been worse!” and “Ishtapatti” i.e. “A boon in disguise”.

In one of her poems she talks about being the central, supporting pillar of the tent; which she was. She held the tent strong and high for us so that we could grow and flourish.

Arti Deo
Director, Academy of Learning and Development (School for children with special needs)
Anat Baniel Method NeuroMovement (ABMNM) Practitioner