Moving from Fixing to Connecting

 

3^rd December is the International Day for Persons with Disability. Disability does not mean just a physical condition; it can be varied in nature.

Autism is one such disability that is not reflected physically, it is a result of faulty wiring in the brain. A child with Autism cannot help himself, his brain is wired differently and this causes him to behave differently. They see the world through a different lens, a foggy, fuzzy lens and the world looks at them through a different lens, a child who is crazy, even mad maybe, and who needs to be institutionalised. But they are just like everyone else, somewhat different, but no less.

No one knows what causes Autism. Some say it is genetic, some say environmental (increased toxicity and pollution), while some even believe that the vaccinations given after birth are to be blamed as one does not really catch the symptoms till the baby becomes a toddler. If the parents are vigilant, they will catch it early; while others might attribute it to the fact that no two children are alike. Some children might seem perfectly normal as babies but could start exhibiting signs as they grow older, beyond two years of age. Some children are even known to develop symptoms almost overnight. If you feel your child is exhibiting even one symptom, please seek help immediately. Do not wait, thinking that the child will outgrow the symptoms. As the child grows, the symptoms will only increase, get aggravated and become more pronounced. We now know the principle of Neuroplasticity, that the brain can change and grow at any age, but the growth is exponential in the early years of one’s life. So, the earlier you start with the intervention, better the chances of success.

It is very important for the parents to accept and move on and not be in a state of denial.

Today there are many therapies that could help the child on the Autism Spectrum. Conventional therapies like Physiotherapy, Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy, Sensory Integration and unconventional therapies like the Anat Baniel Method NeuroMovement or ABMNM, the SonRise program, CBD oil, etc.

The Anat Baniel Method NeuroMovement (ABMNM) works very well with all children with special needs, including children on the Autism Spectrum. It is a very gentle approach and entails giving FS or Functional Synthesis lessons to the child in which an ABMNM practitioner works one on one with a child. The basic premise of ABMNM is to move away from the Fixing paradigm to Connecting with the child. A child on the spectrum is not a mechanical toy that is broken and needs fixing but is a living, breathing human being that is whole and complete. ABMNM helps create new connections in the brain as a result of which we see various outcomes.

Children who are on the spectrum often have poor bodily awareness. Even though many of them might not have mobility issues per se, if one observes them closely, one will realise that for most of them, their back is like one block; their movements are very staccato or not smooth and many have fine or gross motor issues. This is because of a lack of differentiation in their own body.

The ABMNM approach is to connect with the child and help the child’s brain to perceive differences in one’s own body. The FS lessons seek to increase the child’s bodily awareness through gentle touch. Coupled with that, if parents and caregivers use the Nine Essentials in their interactions with the child, it goes a long way in giving the child agency and raising the self-esteem of the child. The brain always learns its experience so, if the child experiences respect and understanding and is given their space, s/he is bound to rise to the occasion. At all times, while working with the child, the child’s experience is the focus, what the child is experiencing, both in his mind and body.

Communication is another major problem since most of them do not give eye contact and many of the children are nonverbal and hence one is never sure if you are getting through to them and that results in repetition on our part. This repetition is usually only commands to do or not do something. Initially it might be necessary, but over a period of time it becomes so ingrained in us and habitual, that we constantly keep instructing the child, even simple things like ‘say hello’, ‘say goodbye’ and so on. The child’s brain learns to respond to these commands and so the child will not do anything unless s/he is instructed to do so. He becomes like a living robot and robots do not have a mind of their own; they are programmed to do what we tell them to do. This is what we reduce our children to by constantly repeating the same instructions over and over again. We rob them of their individuality.

My personal experience with a three-and-a-half-year-old girl has been very heartening. She came to me for ABMNM lessons soon after she was diagnosed to be on the Autism Spectrum. Within a few days the parents reported improvements on various fronts; she was speaking more, was less distracted, more active, but not hyperactive, less cranky, showed improved eye contact, and also started speaking her mother tongue and replying to questions. Icing on the cake was when she made her parents sit at the table and served them imaginary tea.

When can the brain learn? When the child is in a completely safe and secure environment and when the child feels understood, cared for, and feels non-judgmental acceptance. Every child is different and every brain is unique hence each child will progress at his or her pace and if we push them to do the things that they cannot do, it will only create a lot of stress and unpleasant experiences for the child. We must remember that the brain thrives on learning so, when a child is called on to do something; we must keep in mind that if he could he would, if she could she would. When the child cannot do something that is expected of him or her and we start pressurising the child and try to get him/her to do it forcefully, the child’s brain will only learn that this is difficult to do and best to be avoided. Instead, our approach should be gentle and of acceptance, and we should meet the child where s/he is, differentiate around the edges, do other things with the child, things that the child is good at. We should set up the child for success, make it so that the child is always right.

I have been working with a little boy who is on the spectrum since the past one year. There has been a slow and steady improvement in his communication skills and a lowering of anxiety levels. He attends a normal school with one of his parents as a shadow teacher. Recently, for the first time he was okay to write an exam on his own, without having the parent sit next to him. He also is interacting more with the other children in the class. He looks forward to receiving ABMNM lessons.

Having a child on the spectrum is always challenging for the parents, and more so now that we are saying that it is the parents who need to change their approach and they need to move from Fixing to Connecting. Parents always have a natural connect with their child, but when we learn that our child is atypical and not behaving like other children, we try to rectify the problem and in doing so, we move more and more towards the Fixing approach. That is our instinct, it is natural. We think we are doing what is best for our child. ABMNM asks us to move back to Connecting with our child, to enjoying our child’s childhood with unconditional love and non-judgemental acceptance. You are not your child’s doctor or therapist. It is not your duty or responsibility to treat your child, you are not responsible for your child’s condition. Your responsibility is to be a good parent and provide a safe, secure, and stress-free environment for your child and provide them with opportunities to learn and grow.